The Purpose of Life

"The purpose of life is to serve,
and to show compassion
and the will to help others."
            Dr. Albert Schweitzer

Intellect

As I go through new experiences,
develop new thought,
brace for new challenges,
I realize my intellect.

November 21, 2015

Today is my 45th wedding anniversary. I'm divorced. The marriage lasted 3 1/2 years. I still acknowledge, however, the day that I made this commitment. It's just too fucking bad the asshole beat me. I wish, Fred, that you would own your responsibility. Then maybe I could let it go.

Appeasing

I generally like who I am. And I hate myself.

Because no one sees me. So I hate me as they hate me.

If they knew me as I know me, they would see me.

So why the contradiction?

It's easy. I'm fucked up. I have a personality disorder: Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD.

The contradiction is a result of being forced to be a person, or to develop a personality, that appeased a tyrannical, abusive monster. And to present that person/personality so convincingly that I survived another day.

Now what's left of me. I'm 63 years old. I have not mastered the chore of living who I am. I have not fully developed the personality of that child who was so wildly energetic and intrigued by every nuance. I hardly remember that she ever existed.

I'm caught between the causes and effects of two personalities. i still have only one focus... to survive. To appease the monster.

On August 6, 1969, the monster died and my reason for living was buried with her. I had to replace her because I had no idea how to survive otherwise.

So I did. And I appeased until the day I could take no more abuse. I walked away, only to pursue the next monster.

Time and time again I did this. If I wasn't being abused, I was the abuser. Every single personal as well as professional relationship was a recreation of that need, that prerequisite, to survive.

How do I survive today? Who is the monster? It is me. And I'm tiring from the abuse. And I may have to walk away.

If only...

... I could rant and rave here. It seems inappropriate, however. Suffice it to say, as I grow and change, I don't accept nor tolerate abuse of any kind. You sucker punched me this time and now my guard is up.

I Am Turning 61

I am aging. I can feel myself getting older. My aches and pains are attributable to old age. All I can think to say is, "Oh, crap! This is really happening. There is an end to this life and I am getting dangerously close to it." On the positive side, I did have a thought yesterday that I would live to be over 90. I feel comfortable with that.

Vote OBAMA Style

This may be the best music video I have ever watched. It is a wonderful song. The dancing is awesome. It is the best political message of the race. And there's sex appeal. Give it a watch. It is MORE than worth your time!

Harvest Moon 2012

A moon to kiss under. It sends out a soft golden light just bright enough the see the features of the other.

Romney Exposed

I clipped this paragraph from the New York newspaper. The article is entitled, "Don’t Say 'Desperate'". This is exactly what Joe Scarborough said about Mitt Romney.

That the left heaped scorn on Romney’s gambit came as no surprise. But the right reacted almost as harshly—with former aides to John McCain, George W. Bush, and Ronald Reagan creating an on-the-record chorus of disapproval, while countless other Republican officials and operatives chimed in anonymously. “This is worse than a Lehman moment,” says a senior GOP operative. “­McCain made mistakes of impulsiveness, but this was a deliberate and premeditated move, and it totally revealed Romney’s character; it revealed him as completely craven and his candidacy as serving no higher purpose than his ambition.”

...all YOU PEOPLE need to know.

Ann Romney: "We've given all YOU PEOPLE need to know" about the family's finances.She goes on to say, "Because there are so many things that will be open again for more attack... and that's really, that's just the answer."

WOW!! I'll bet Romney's PR team is pulling their hair out by the handfuls!! How could they let her answer those questions like that?!! Didn't they prep her better?!!

YOU PEOPLE. Really?

FOR MORE ATTACK. You just admitted the truths that 'you people' suspect are hiding in your returns.

JUST THE ANSWER. Don't ask again. That's the only answer 'you people' are going to get.

So are you saying that 'you people' will just attack more if 'you people' knew the information the returns would reveal?

I think I'm gonna sit here
in my comfy chair
listen to LOUD Lady Gaga
and Vent
as loud as I want
about every piece
of trivial Shit
that's Pissing me OFF!
Yeah....
This could be good.

Is It OK That We Have

Different Approaches....?
....Acceptable!

God Blesses Diversity.

Maxwell Thomas Finkeldei has arrived!!

June 9, 2010. 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 22 inches long. And he has red hair!! He is every bit as beautiful as his Momma was at birth.
Congratulations to the Finkeldei family!!

Evidence That I Am Aging

I prefer fruit juices over sodas.

Afghans Are Afraid We'll Just Walk Away

In my opinion, we should just walk away. We don't need to be in a war that's going nowhere and has no place to go. If we must have a confrontation somewhere, let's go to Pakistan's mountains and finish what we started 8 years ago. That's our fight. That's the only front worth losing our children to. Even as I write, I question whether bin laden is even worth a fight. As a global nation, his power has been thwarted in many, many countries by anticipating and nullifying his threat. I think this to be sufficient reason to recall the offensive and give time time.

We have Clinton and Obama to get things done. Those two are able to move throughout the countries and issues reaching resolution and compromise as they go.

I have always been a quiet pacifist. I have reached my time to take to the soap box and encourage others to rethink or at least double-check their beliefs about warring. You all know how you will dread the dissertations of my opinions. Suffer you must. I have a contribution to make.

Why Are We Here?

We are here to help one another along life's journey.
- William Bennett

Sixx:am Lyrics - Life Is Beautiful

This is not my style of music usually. April shared this song with me. Really like the words. Appropriate for this stage of my life. Especially the line "You can't live until you die." And NO ONE is to cry at my funeral!

You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trailer park to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I Wish I Could Have...

A quote from the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a man who could not raise his daughter.

I wish I could have kissed you good night.
I wish I could have taken you to your first day of school.
I wish I could have been there to teach you piano.
I wish I could have told you not to chase some boy.
I wish I could have held you when you had a broken heart.
I wish I could have been your father. Nothing I ever did will replace that.

For what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you've never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you're proud of.
If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.

The GREEN STUFF Is BACK!!!

And the warm TEMPERATURES!
And the gentle BREEZES!
And the Spring RAINS!
And the strong WINDS!
And the loud THUNDERSTORMS!
And the obnoxious TORNADO WARNING SIRENS!
But...
The GREEN STUFF is BACK!!!

Happy 21st Birthday Sammi Gund!!

You came into my life 21 years ago, Sammi, and have been every step of the way with me. You are a wonderful companion.

I see you are preparing to sew that seam at your left ear. You have been so healthy with no mishaps until Clinton decided to make you his prey. Oh you poor Sammi!! I'm amazed that your tear is so small. It's OK. I'll sew you. I'll get some thread that matches your beautiful fur and you'll be good for another 21 years. Your challenge is to take me with you for that long. I can only hope you succeed. If you take me for a third 21, I'll be 100!! Can you imagine me at 100?