I receive a number of 'send it on' emails and wonder what the sender was thinking. Their content and promises are stupid. This one, however, is a gem! Feel free to borrow it for your own 'send it on' email. At least your friends will appreciate this one.
When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever you are choking on.
When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
When you are scared, I will rag on you every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use small words.
When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath which I pledge to you until the end.
"Why?" you may ask.
Because you are my friend.
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
Send this to ten of your closet friends.
Then get depressed because you can only think of five!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Just ONE of Maria's Escapades
Maria sends fascinating emails of her daily life. This one made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants!
Kevin's in Orlando until Wednesday so I get to take over the whole thing with his uncle. I can't remember if I told you what's going on there, but his uncle is about 85 and had a mini stroke a couple of weeks ago. He's been in the hospital ever since and there's a guy that lives near him that's taking care of the dogs and cows. He's still refusing to bring back the car and now we find out that he also has the van, is claiming to have been given the new tractor and 2 of the cows. There's very few things that piss me off like someone taking advantage of someone I care about, especially someone who can't fight back. So Saturday, I told Kevin I was going up there and no matter what was getting into the house to be sure everything was still there. I decided to take Cricket with me just in case anything unexpected came up. She probably couldn't stop someone from hurting me, but she might make them think twice. So I took the old jeep, parked behind his property and cut through the woods to where a tree had fallen on the fence and I could easily get over it. Cricket had to find every mud hole possible and splash through it! So I pushed the fence down and sat on it so she could jump over. Before I could even stand up, she had found the geese and jumped in the pond! She just looks so happy swimming around and she didn't even care that it was kind of cold. So I kept walking up to the gate between the lakes and the cow pasture. She finally got out and then saw the cows. Guess it was the first time she'd seen cows and thought the were big dogs. So she goes running full speed straight at them and started a stampede of scared cows. It was hilarious! So then we got into the back yard, his dogs came out barking. Cricket pays no attention to them and they're pretty unhappy having to live in the garage right now, so they just went back in. Got pictures of all the farm equipment to be sure it was still there, and thankfully it was. I won't say how I got into the house, but let's just say I did. After I got the front door unlocked, I decided to go get the jeep and bring it up to the driveway. So to get back out, we had to go back through the pasture, but apparently the cows had a little chat and decided that stupid dog wasn't getting back in. I swear it was the funniest thing I've seen in forever! I opened the gate (it's a big cattle gate) and all 7 of them circled around shoulder to shoulder and blocked us from coming in. Cricket still tried to go in, but then they started moving closer and she tucked her tail, hunched down her shoulders and backed up very slowly. I thought I was going to die laughing! I've never seen her back down from anything before! So we had to go around and through another pasture, then as soon as we cleared that, she went sprinting back to the lake and jumped in again. Nothing better than a wet smelly dog in the car! So anyway, I got what I was looking for, did a little cleaning and headed home. That was a big success!
Kevin's in Orlando until Wednesday so I get to take over the whole thing with his uncle. I can't remember if I told you what's going on there, but his uncle is about 85 and had a mini stroke a couple of weeks ago. He's been in the hospital ever since and there's a guy that lives near him that's taking care of the dogs and cows. He's still refusing to bring back the car and now we find out that he also has the van, is claiming to have been given the new tractor and 2 of the cows. There's very few things that piss me off like someone taking advantage of someone I care about, especially someone who can't fight back. So Saturday, I told Kevin I was going up there and no matter what was getting into the house to be sure everything was still there. I decided to take Cricket with me just in case anything unexpected came up. She probably couldn't stop someone from hurting me, but she might make them think twice. So I took the old jeep, parked behind his property and cut through the woods to where a tree had fallen on the fence and I could easily get over it. Cricket had to find every mud hole possible and splash through it! So I pushed the fence down and sat on it so she could jump over. Before I could even stand up, she had found the geese and jumped in the pond! She just looks so happy swimming around and she didn't even care that it was kind of cold. So I kept walking up to the gate between the lakes and the cow pasture. She finally got out and then saw the cows. Guess it was the first time she'd seen cows and thought the were big dogs. So she goes running full speed straight at them and started a stampede of scared cows. It was hilarious! So then we got into the back yard, his dogs came out barking. Cricket pays no attention to them and they're pretty unhappy having to live in the garage right now, so they just went back in. Got pictures of all the farm equipment to be sure it was still there, and thankfully it was. I won't say how I got into the house, but let's just say I did. After I got the front door unlocked, I decided to go get the jeep and bring it up to the driveway. So to get back out, we had to go back through the pasture, but apparently the cows had a little chat and decided that stupid dog wasn't getting back in. I swear it was the funniest thing I've seen in forever! I opened the gate (it's a big cattle gate) and all 7 of them circled around shoulder to shoulder and blocked us from coming in. Cricket still tried to go in, but then they started moving closer and she tucked her tail, hunched down her shoulders and backed up very slowly. I thought I was going to die laughing! I've never seen her back down from anything before! So we had to go around and through another pasture, then as soon as we cleared that, she went sprinting back to the lake and jumped in again. Nothing better than a wet smelly dog in the car! So anyway, I got what I was looking for, did a little cleaning and headed home. That was a big success!
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